Celebrating A Life Cut Short

PATRICIA

If like me, you are fortunate enough to live in a country where the streets are safe, where stability seems assured and the chances of catastrophe statistically remote, then a death of someone in their prime, comes as an even greater shock.

Death is a very surreal concept. How are we to deal with such an absolute fact that life ends or live comfortably knowing there's a very real chance of an end coming around the next corner? It's little wonder that many of us neglect to think about it at all. Life seems so random and indeterminably fragile. One moment we are here and the next we are not. This means we come from nothing and return again to a non-existence - which is a strange concept in itself. 

But energy can neither be created nor destroyed - merely exchanged for alternative states. Consequently we – our essence – must surely originate from somewhere? And therefore, where does that person or the energy making up a once living being, actually go to? Unfortunately, we (still) don't have any answers to that question and it's this uncertainty that makes the whole end of life concept so difficult to believe. The only real comfort we have available, is the knowledge that we all go through this same weird thought process.

The Worst That Can Happen

As healthy, happy-go-lucky individuals, we rarely plan for the end of life - maybe because it seems something so far away (being a child), or somehow we convince (deceive) ourselves that it's something which only happens to careless others or when we're very old. We casually discuss it as if death was no more than a common cold, and flippantly pay no real attention to our imminent departure from this earth. That is, until the day comes when a close friend passes away so unexpectedly that we are forced to question our own mortality. It's at times like these that we should really think in greater depth about what death means.

Morbid Thoughts

Death comes to all - it's humorously quoted as being, like taxes, the only other certainty in life. So why do we give it no consideration in the time we have available to prepare for it?

Fortunately, for everyone at my most recent funeral experience, the family of my dear friend Patricia and all the friends present, were able to give Patricia a 'sending off' that I'm sure she'd have been very happy with, if there had been any prior arrangements made by herself for her own funeral. Far from dwelling on the sad event, we had many smiles and positive displays of love, openly shared in abundance - as were the overly generous drinks and hospitality provided by people we had never met before this sad day. 

Although the final respects being paid at the crematorium were obviously a somber moment - plus the venue was cold, uncomfortable and a place as far removed from being alive, as could be, this wake was still a far more honest solution than any religious ceremony could ever be. In this post-life situation - we've so obviously gone already that it seems strange to be paying homage to a wooden box. For that is really all that's left - a container with our lifeless biological physical representation laying in it. But that's what we all did for around four hours.

Far from taking solace in religious 'faith in God' speeches, delivered in a soft voice through the medium of a holy representative, presented in the reassuringly calm and comforting space of a holy venue - we were placed in a prolonged, uncomfortable state/place, to ponder the stark realities of death. I didn't understand this myself at the time, but retrospectively, the party we had afterwards was all the more enjoyable as a result. The alcohol drunk and games we played, all helped to anaesthetise the brain from thinking any more about death. But, maybe continuing to immerse oneself and to think more deeply about the end of our lives, is where we should invest more time - to improve upon our ability to cope with our own death.

Death Wish
A will is something many of us overlook and funeral plans are definitely something the majority of us avoid sorting, let alone save up to pay for. Legally, without a will, distributing our accumulated wealth to our family, can become a problem. Therefore we should all make up some kind of will. The costs of funerals and other arrangements are escalating every year - so, getting a funeral plan in place or at least having some savings ready, so our next of kin are not lumbered with the cost, is surely a good move.

We should also make our wishes for a party well known to those loved ones who can action them. Personally, I like the idea of making a playlist of music to have at the gathering, along with a selection of my favourite photos. Ideally, selecting a venue with a decent bar-spend available where my friends and family can be comfortable, would be a nice touch.

Planning For Life
Whatever we think about the end of life - whether we believe there's a heaven or hell or reincarnation etc. it's important that we make some effort for it now whilst still alive. Planning our own affairs in advance, will mean costs are covered, plus it'll help those making the difficult decisions on the day and should in some small way make up for our most inconvenient absence. Maybe it's vanity but certainly this idea offers me peace of mind - knowing I can play a part in how I'm remembered.

Patricia was an outgoing, fun loving and adventurous soul. She planned for life. And she's reminded me that we all need to make even more plans for living - because our time really is so, so short. We have no real say in how long we have left either, so there's little point planning so far ahead when so much can be made of the here and now.

When the end comes - and let us all hope that it is far away - let's make an exit plan for a memorable life and parting event for reminiscing our greatest living moments, in order to inspire others to live their life to the fullest too - as you did Patricia. We'll miss you.